In my book “Ampa: A true story of estrangement due to a son’s betrayal” I talk about therapists and how you should go about selecting one that would work for you. Therapists fill a pivotable role in recognizing your pain, how to deal with it and can offer paths that might seem foreign at first. They see things clearly and can take the highly emotional reactions out of situations that can cause us to make bad decisions. But there are major differences in therapy and therapist approaches, some of which I go into detail on in my book.
First off, when you are looking at selecting a therapist, don’t just look them up online, read some reviews and simply make an appointment based on the limited information you see. Try to get some background on them or look to contact them for a free interview. That way, you at least get to talk to them under no constraints. It doesn’t mean you will find out everything you need to know but it will help. And believe me when I tell you, just like everything else, there are bad ones and good ones. If you are in therapy and you are being totally honest with your therapist as you should be, be aware of how they raise questions. Do the questions seem to challenge your honesty or your involvement in your own situation? I ask because some therapists have their own ideas of who we are or what may have taken place in our estrangement. I even had one therapist that I dropped after 4 sessions because I found out she was biased against me because she knew someone who was involved. We are all human and have human failings we have to deal with.
Another thing to watch out for is if a therapist specifically tells you to have no contact with your adult children or your grandchildren for your own health. This is something you should question right away or at the very least get a second opinion on. Don’t allow yourself to override your internal compass or your feelings for your own family just because someone else told you too. Most times, you don’t know their motivation but there are times, if situations get so volatile that no contact is warranted. But remember, this is not a way for you to control anything. It’s a reaction of course to being mistreated but it doesn’t change your adult child. If this course of action is recommended, please, do yourself a favor and give it some very deep thought. Because once you go “no contact” any chance of reversing the situation you are in has been severely reduced.
If you are seeing a therapist and have questions about their tactics or advice, listen to your self and do your research. There are a lot of good ways to get guidance out there. It is rather noteworthy that in my case a therapist that my son enlisted broke ethical rules set by her own organization and was never held accountable that I know of. But then our son never questioned a thing she did. Instead, he questioned us. It’s just an example of knowing who you are dealing with and checking them out before you enlist their help.
If you are considering a therapist and would like more insight, send me a message and I’ll be happy to assist.